This is my one annual post which I get to make about any on topic thing I want. In the past I’ve used this for meaningless rants about the community and cryptic nonsense I’ve spewed from some magically induced altered state. This year I want to talk about what I’ve been doing spiritually, where I am, and the choices and decisions I’m faced with. I’m hoping to open discussion and get some advice on what to do next.
First, what I’ve been doing as of late (obviously I haven’t been writing posts). For years now I’ve been working on a book dealing with evocations and seances. It’s going to be a wonderful book. It has a lot of original rituals and techniques I’ve developed myself, and of course they’re all highly creative and a bit insane. It also has all of my notes on evocations, explanations of the classical methods, a premier on magic, and even a list of several hundred new spirits to contact. It takes a completely new approach to evocations too, one that is more inline with my own morals and beliefs and involves few protections and a non-aggressive approach at bargaining with spirits.
I wish I could say that I’ve been busy getting the book published, but unfortunately it isn’t anywhere near finished yet. In fact if the last few years are any indication, it’ll probably be decades before the thing is ready. It’d make a nice ending to my blog though. A complete and powerful system for performing evocations and seances, and made simple enough so that anyone who has ever successfully cast a spell could master it.
While writing the book I came up an idea for a magical operation. Actually a series of five operations. It’s one of those ideas that is so stupid-crazy that someone would have to be a complete idiot to even contemplate going through with it after hearing what it is, especially since there isn’t any real purpose for doing it, except to see what would happen if someone did do it. Anyways I’ve completed three of the operations so far, with two more to go.
And so far I’ve seen my power rise exponentially. Empathically I’m hypersensitive right now. When I’m extremely depressed I’m feeling things out, metaphysically, far better than I could on my best day in the past, and on my best days have now become overwhelming. I’ve been depressed lately, manic too. I’m having issues dealing with all this energy and emotion. I’m working it out, but I still need more time.
And oh, the energy. I think I’ve been shedding more every minute than I was making in a whole day before. Tiny little chakras I never noticed before have been pushing out massive amounts of energy.
Not to mention all of the other things that have been happening. I’m starting to understand precognition on a level I never could before. I’m constantly being bombarded with crazy ideas for rituals and experiments. Today I was driving, and I noticed if I concentrated right I could see reality constantly crumple up and then get rewritten as a solid tangible thing. It’s hard to describe correctly, but I think I was seeing the constant flux of the future as the present approaches it.
I have no ideas what kind of power I’m now in possession of, or what sorts of things it could be used for. I’ve yet to fully master emotional control when dealing with this level of energy, let alone explore it. And I still have two more operations to go.
The operations are brutal. The first one nearly killed me, and it was a horrific experience. They always surprise me too, and never turn out the way I expect they will. It takes all of my energy to endure them, and it seems to take about two weeks for the full effects to kick in.
But it isn’t a difficult operation. It’s very simple magic. It takes about twenty minutes to do, and it requires no tools. I took a very simple and basic magical technique, and I modified it just a little bit. A month or two of intense study, and someone who has never studied magic or metaphysics could do these rituals. If you’ve ever successfully cast a spell, I could probably teach it to you in a day.
It might kill you though. In fact, I’d really like to know if it would. Does it just bring you close to death, or did I only survive because of how strong I am? And what would the energy rise be like for someone who wasn’t as far advanced, spiritually, as I am? These are questions I’d like answered.
Here’s the thing, now that I’ve stumbled upon this awesome bit of magic, I have no idea what to do with it. I could hoard it, and never share it with anyone. Or I could start a group, have a whole inner and outer circle thing going even, and share it that way. I could publish it in the book I’m planning to write, or publish a new book about it, or just post it on my blog. Lots and lots of options.
And if I did share it, would anyone even want it? I know the power aspect sounds great, but just this week I read a series of posts and articles in the blogosphere community about the importance of following instructions and not toying around with magic, because it’s dangerous. It’s an attitude I’m out right disgusted by, and I have no real respect for any of its proponents. Yeah, an electrician probably follows instructions when he wires a house, but Benjamin Franklin tied metal to a kite and flew it in an electricity experiment that probably should’ve killed him. Are we as magicians aspiring to be something comparable to a common tradesman, or something comparable to Benjamin Franklin?
I have no desire to share this information with the armchair community. It’s not something to be thought about, and pondered, and to sit among a thousand downloaded books on magic, filled with a million rituals and techniques that were never tried and sometimes never even read. It’s something that is supposed to be done and experienced, and that’s where its value lies. I’d rather keep the information to myself than send it out there with the thought that maybe, one day, someone will be foolish enough to see this through again.
So what are everyone else’s thoughts on what I should do with this, and what you’d like to see me do with this? Anyone else brave enough to see this all the way through? It really is a horrible experience, so much so that after I performed the first ritual, it took me nearly a month to gather up the courage to try the second one. It isn’t all together unpleasant, but there is a lot of unpleasantness.