I had a really bad year once. I don’t mean bad like I went goth or started listening to nothing but Supertramp, but I had about a year where I wasn’t feeling very happy. It was just a jumble of events that kept occurring which were sad, or depressing, or stressful. It was a lot of things, and its not like I just broke down and had a nervous breakdown one day. But slowly, and very gradually, my mood shifted to being not so pleasant.
During this time my spirituality started to change. I started seeing spirits less and less, and eventually not at all. I stopped hearing them when they talked too. My ability to sense energy started to diminish. I could still notice the energy movements directly around me, but it took effort, and I couldn’t feel all that much.
I could still gather up information, but I had to forcibly channel, and meditate, and concentrate. I could still speak with specific spirits, but I had to try really hard, and what I heard came in really weak.
Magically, I could still do magic, I could still fall back on my favorite rituals, but it was much more difficult, and I was succeeding less and less. Psionic magic started to become very difficult. I used to sometimes accidently make things happen by just wanting them, and that spontaneous ability seemed to leave me.
Everything seemed to be effected, including things like divination, astral projection, and glamours.
I wasn’t completely defenseless, and I wasn’t completely stripped of my magical ability. I could still cast a spell or jump into a witch war if I had to, but that sort of stuff took a lot of effort, and I was far weaker than I remembered being.
It happened so gradually, I didn’t even notice it happening at first, and by the time I did start to notice, I had started to forget the way I used to be.
And when that happened, it sparked some doubt in me. Maybe my spiritual beliefs were all fantasies or delusions. Maybe I am, or was, a seriously disturbed individual. All of these things I had memories of seeing and feeling, I wasn’t feeling anymore, and I was starting to wonder if I ever really did.
Then I had a really good day. It was actually a good week that culminated into a really good day. I remember visiting the park that night, and I felt everything. It was a large park, and I could feel every blade of grass and animal and insect in the place. And every person, including the girl I went with. And I knew everything each of them was feeling, and what they all felt like on the inside, spiritually speaking. In the same way, I could feel of the spirits there too. I could see them walking around, and I could talk to them if I wanted too. The entire park was a sensual overload.
And my mind, my mind just opened up all of a sudden. I still knew things, but I didn’t know how. There was a fogginess in my head, and stuff would just sort of come out of that. But now that fog was lifted, and it was like I suddenly had multiple minds that were hidden behind that fog, and now I could see how they were working and how everything was figured out logically. I felt like I had become some sort of genius.
And that’s when I remembered that this is what it should feel like to be me. I should be living in that sensory overload, able to feel the entire universe around me. And my mind should be working at that higher level. I shouldn’t just know things, but I should be able to see how I’m figuring them out. I should feel my higher connections. Energy should be pouring out of me. I should be seeing, and interacting, with dozens of spirits every day. And my life should be so spiritual that it seems normal to me, and I never have any reason to doubt its reality.
I realized that something had been seriously wrong with me, and at the same time any spiritual doubt I may have had was wiped away.
I’m not telling this story to brag, or to try to gain sympathy for my plight, but to share the lesson of it all:
The better your mood, the more spiritually adept you are.
We have higher bodies. After our physical and astral bodies, both of which we’re already very connected to, we have our mental body, or Holy Guardian Angel. Our connection to this body still exists at birth, but it’s somewhat severed. We can rejoin with this body, as I have, but even if we don’t our mood will still effect our magic. Our mental body is powerful. It’s full of knowledge and ability. Magically and spiritually speaking, it’s the greatest source of power we have available to us. It’s also a piece of who we are, and without it we’re all incomplete.
Our mental body exists in a place called the heavenly planes, called that because it’s a seriously happy place. There are of course lots of different places in there, but all of them represent various versions of what some would term heaven. The lowest area of the mental planes is probably close to the theological Christian interpretation of heaven, being a place of perfect love and contentment.
Like attracts like, and we’re drawn towards what is like us, and away from what is unlike us. When my mood started to diminish, I became unlike the heavenly planes, and unlike my mental body. Even though I fully reconnected myself to my mental body, once my mood shifted that connection became strained, and as my mood got worse so too did that connection. As things got worse, it was getting more and more difficult for me to connect to this part of myself.
Even if I hadn’t merged with my mental body and reconnected with it, my mood still would’ve had a negative affect on my magical ability. Just because someone hasn’t yet gone through that process of reconnection doesn’t mean that they don’t have some sort of connection to their higher self and that they aren’t gaining something from it.
When I had my good day, I became more aligned with the mental planes, and I became more aligned with my mental body, and almost instantly my connection came back. I became whole again.
When our mood is positive, we have a stronger connection to the higher planes, and to our higher bodies, and our spirituality and magical abilities are all strengthened. When our mood is negative, our connections to these higher bodies fade, and we become spiritually weaker.
Of course it isn’t realistic to always be happy or always be in a good mood. However if one wishes to be spiritual, and to be as strong as they can spiritually, then they need to stay away from long periods of negativity.
We also need to adjust our mood for magical practice. Magic isn’t something that is best practiced in a serious or somber mood, and its definitely not something that should be practiced while enraged, upset, or depressed. Moods such as happiness, joy, and love produce much better results.
When we aren’t in a positive mood, and we need to perform a magical operation, we need to get into one of those moods. Each of us has our own different happy thoughts, and we need to use those to empower ourselves.
I listen to punk music, and surround myself with toys and old video games, and think about tv shows and movies and comic books. These are some of my happy things. All the little pictures I put on the posts that are meant to be humorous, or reference some part of my childhood, all the little jokes I make, and all of the references I make to pop-culture aren’t just part of my personality, and they definitely aren’t a sign of immaturity. These are all a crucial part of my spiritual practice. I need these things. They make me stronger.
I’ve said before that I’ve never met a magician that could actually do real magic, to any degree, who didn’t also have a good sense of humor. I’ve also never been in a successful group ritual that was entirely serious and where there was never a point where people broke out laughing.
There’s a reason for that. These things aren’t distractions. They aren’t profane. They’re empowerment. At the same time rage and depression make horrible fuels for a magical operation. Nothing ever seems to work when a magician tries to harness the power of those emotions (yes there are darker magics that can use these things, but I’m not talking about those just now, and if you’re trying to harness the power of your rage and depression but still doing magic like you normally would, you’re not doing it right).
Somber rituals meanwhile, where everyone goes through the motions and where everyone is afraid they’ll ruin everything by adding some levity to the operation, are even worse. There’s no way to even harness that crap.
By the way, if you’re wondering why I put Batman at the top of this post, it’s because I talk about my Dark Knight of the soul.