A while back I wrote a series of accounts for a friend’s e-group which detailed magickal experiences, particularly those that dealt with otherworldly entities. The group is now pretty much dead, and these accounts don’t have a real home. I don’t see much value in these accounts, except maybe as cautionary tales, but I already wrote them and I’m in need of good blog filler. Maybe someone will get some use out of these or see something similar to what they’re dealing with.
Things have been a bit messy for me lately. It’s not like things were great before, but things got really bad when I started amassing large amounts of chaos energy in my bedroom. I thought this was a good thing. I don’t know why I did this, or what good I thought would come of it. But it seems to have made a mess of everything lately. I’ve also noticed that my magickal abilities have been very limited or erradic lately, which I think was caused by all of that chaos energy.
Then a few days ago I decided it would be a good idea to rip a hole in space and time in my bedroom, and that project has been my biggest focus lately. I’ve attracted a lot of things here since doing that. There are some dead people around, what T says is a boogie man, and some other stuff. Someone also attacked me magickally last night. Not sure where they were, but the attack was weak and they got something painful back.
Anyways I decided last night that I’d talk with Saturn and try to get some help with my portal. I’ve never talked to Saturn before, which is why this is really strange. When Saturn’s energy went through me, it was very solid, very earthy in nature. It made me feel less flexable, and I could feel my astral body solidify from it. That doesn’t describe it well, but immedietly I thought about the 21st tarot trump, and I could see the assosiation of Saturn with the twenty-first trump and the element of Earth.
And it was deja-vu. I remembered thinking this before, the last time I felt Saturn’s energy. But this was my first time talking to Saturn. And I’ve been going through my brain trying to think of what time I’m thinking about, but there are no memories of this happening before, and nothing similiar to this. But I remember all of this happening exactly like this before.
Anyways I opened up the portal some more and slipped into the astral with the intent on jumping through it. When I got into the astral though, I got jumped by five dark fae. Creepy little things. They were trying to rip me into pieces. I was putting up a good fight, but something else came into my room and the fae immedietly scattered and took off. This is the strange part as I’ve never felt or experienced anything like this before.
When I looked at what had come there, it was indescribable and incomprehensible. It was not human, or humaniod, or like anything of this world. It was not like anything of any plane I’ve ever been to or seen in a vision. I’m pretty sure it had more than four dimensions. Although it was like a dark blue, and it seemed to have a blue-like aura to it, there were other colors too. I can’t really get what it looked like in my head, but I think some of the colors don’t exist. I think what I saw was Saturn. Not an aspect of Saturn, or a personification of Saturn, or Saturn as he is in this realm, but all of Saturn.
When I looked at Saturn, the energy drew me into it, and it was beyond anything I’ve ever experienced. When I talk with a deity, the energy I recieve is very strong. If you were to compare that to a light drizzle on an umbrella though, this would be standing naked on a skyscraper during a hurricane that can lift trucks off the ground. Immedietly the energy surronded and consumed me completely. There was just so much of it, and it was so much more than what I was. And I became a part of it, and I could feel myself as no longer being, but being just a small part of something that was much larger. And it was quite pleasent.
I know there’s more, and I know things happened after that, but I have no memory of it. All I know is that I did come out of the projection, and when I did I obviously was my independent self again. I didn’t pop back where my memory ends though, I just have no memory of what happened after that point. I went to sleep right after getting back into body.
Some other things have changed too. The chaos energy is gone. The portal seems to be sealed up now. At least somewhat. I’m wondering if I should open it back up. And I seem to be fixed. In fact, I seem to have improved a bit. I can channel again, and I can see the metaphor shapes, and it’s easy to talk to things again. I also got to fight some last night, and that always makes me feel better and relieves some tension. I just have a lot more clearity now and I’m a lot more focused.
Addendum: At the time I posted this I was looking to see if anyone had an explanation for what had happened. I honestly don’t remember what I was going through or why I had trouble channeling at that point in time. I also have no clue what I meant by seeing metaphor shapes, and that might be a typo. Also, several weeks after posting this I had realized that T was responsible for tricking me into summoning the chaos energy, and I think I’ve now figured out how he did it too. As a final note, there were other side-effects that didn’t really appear until later, although I’m not getting into that.