Magick 101: Our magickal bodies

This is just a short post to quickly explain the bodies we inhabit. You’ll learn the differences between an astral and a mental body, things that are never spoken of like a mento-physical body, what these bodies are capable of, and what a HGA (Holy Guardian Angel) really is. All of this stuff is very basic and essential to understanding the way the universe is made up and how we both fit into it and move through it. It’s also a bit confusing, but that’s largely due to multiple terminologies and people discussing the subject that either don’t know much about it or have only, so far, come to realize part of it. Okay, now for a quick overview.

The Physical Body

Okay, our physical body is what we’re in right now, our body. It’s that physical thing that gets fat when you eat junk food, tires out when you exercise, gets old, and eventually dies. Generally it’s limited to the physical plane, Malkuth. For the most part it also has some limited interactions with Yesod (because Yesod is Malkuth), and you can also walk into the lower realm of Lilith. You can also get to other lower realms, physically, by way of Lilith, but we’re not going to talk too much about that here.

The Astral Body

A lot of people look at the astral body as being an energy body or a soul. That’s a somewhat correct, but somewhat limited, assessment. The astral body is limited to the physical realms of existence. This would be Malkuth/Yesod, Hod, Netzach, Lilith/Gameliel, Samael, and A’arab Tzereq.

Living beings have both an astral and a physical body. A disincarnate spirit meanwhile only has an astral body.

The existence of energy and matter, at least on the Sepiroth, are unique to the physical realms. The astral body being of the physical realm (like our physical body) is therefor made up of energy and matter (same as our physical body). Many people look at the astral body as being only energy, but this isn’t true. It also contains mass, albeit in most cases only small amounts of mass. However there are several ways to increase this mass which is how we are able to interact with the physical plane from our astral bodies. Within the Qlippoth the astral body, although still a combination of matter and energy and still typically more energy than matter, has a much higher mass.

The astral body is always there, usually. Many people see astral projection as the act of popping out of ones body. In reality though it’s just a shift of perspective from the physical body to the astral body. Most of us have a fairly solid astral body that follows us around, usually existing in the same space as our physical body. Some people though tend not to form the astral body at all and just keep a mass of energy. This mass is then formed into an astral body when they project out.

The astral body can be moved and manipulated while you’re not astrally projecting too. This is would be how certain things like remote viewing work (the astral body is sent to a distant location to look, and what is seen is interpreted through the conscious physical body). The physical body can also be manipulated while astrally projecting, although it takes large amounts of concentration. The next time you astrally project, try seeing if you can manage to move your physical body from a distance.

Astral bodies are both physical and finite. They’re created as part of the process that makes us an incarnate being. We did not have our astral body during our past life, in the same way we didn’t have our physical body then. Granted you can shape your astral body and many people do shape there’s to resemble their past life astral form, but it’s still a new body mimicking the old body’s form. Many people see the astral body as our soul and lasting forever because it can survive our physical body’s death. However the astral body itself just has the ability to possibly live longer. Our astral body can and will eventually die. We can be astrally killed.

When an astral body dies it doesn’t leave a corpse, it just ceases to exist. Most people will astrally survive their physical bodies, even if for a very short time. Most people will eventually just shed their astral body when they move on after death. If the astral body is killed while the physical body still lives, the physical body will die. It may be possible to keep it technically alive for some time (maybe), and it may be suitable for a walk-in to quickly jump in, but the person will have passed on and there will no longer be a connection point between their body and soul.

It’s difficult to transfer information between our physical and astral bodies. This often times leads to shady recollections and memory issues concerning astral projections, and also an inability to keep concentrated and focus on our goals when we project out.

The Mental Body

Netzach is the first physical realm. This is where matter and energy first exists, and the physical laws take effect in Hod. Our astral body, being made up of matter and energy, can’t move past Netzach. So we need another body, our mental body.

Beyond Netzach are the higher planes, also known as the mental planes or the heavenly planes. Here things don’t exist as physicalities and energies. They exist as ideas and thoughts and intelligences. A mental body has no real physicality, it is simply an intelligence, a collection of thoughts, ideas, emotions, personality, ect. What it appears as is simply the form it chooses to project out.

Our mental body is also known as our Holy Guardian Angel. It is a part of us (if you pray to your HGA, you’re praying to yourself). This body is connected to us, but there is also a huge separation between us. Because of this, in order to access our mental body, we need to reunite with it. Our HGA always takes the form of the gender that is opposite our physical one. In order to rejoin with our HGA we need to have sexual intercourse at a higher level, one that is more attuned to the mental planes. This allows us to access our mental bodies.

Joining with our mental body not only allows us direct access to the mental realms, but it also lets us access our mental body while conscious. Our mental body is always there, and it’s running around the mental planes doing things (it doesn’t follow us like our astral body). These planes are loaded with information, just about anything you might want to know, and also power, and you can access via your mental body while you’re conscious.

Mental bodies tend to die less often, although they still are mortal. A single mental body can last many lifetimes. When it dies, its intelligence is absorbed into the planes and continues to exist. A mental body typically can’t be killed (there might be a way), at least in a manner it won’t just resurrect itself from. It can be changed though.

Mento-physical body

In the Qlippoth the mental planes run parallel to what are known as the hell planes. Instead of abandoning the physical body for the mental body, in the hell planes we take our mental body (our HGA) and combine it with physicality. This creates a superform encompassing the astral and mental forms. A living person killed here will physically die, however the mental body will have the ability to resurrect the astral, and the mento-physical body will survive. This can result in a perpetual death where a person is continually painfully killed again and again. As I said, hell planes.

The Primal Body (or the emotional body)

Beyond the mental planes are the highest planes of existence, the first triad. Things like intelligences, thoughts, concepts, change, ect. are all constructs of the middle triad. These things don’t exist in the highest triad. In order to access this triad we need access to our primal body. The three planes represent the first impurity (brought about by self acknowledgement), purity, and singularity (the spark of creation). That’s all that exists there. In order to find our Primal Body we need to cross the abyss.

The abyss is a psychological state that we go through. We can leave it at any time after we enter, and we can reenter later. Some folks that get in work a lifetime and never manage to get past it. The point of the abyss is to destroy ourselves. We want to break ourselves down and cease to be thoughts and intelligences and what not and exist as our simplest, purest form. This may mean destroying ourselves, shaving off parts of ourselves, and returning ourselves to a purity. More often than not it also involves numerous mental breakdowns and other psychological horrors. We are literally trying to break our mine so it isn’t there, to return ourselves to a more primal state of being.

The Super-Physical Body

In the same way the mental body can not access the first triad of the Sepiroth, the Mento-Physical body cannot access the first triad of the Qlippoth. Once again, in order for the proper body to be accessed, an abyss must be crossed. This abyss isn’t a psychological state, it’s a literal abyss. It’s crossing is an ordeal and a trial that will test the practitioner physical, mentally, and magickally. There are ways to leave it without crossing, but not all who go in can. If you reach the end the mento-physical body will have evolved into the super-physical body. This would eventually lead to Thaumial, which is the first division, at which point the super-physical body is supposed to divide into multiple beings, each of which can run the gauntlet itself, eventually reforming into an even more advanced being.

Beyond Kether and Thaumial

There are realms beyond these. The three Ains are the next barrier to be past in order to find the next body, however as far as I’ve been able to tell nothing on in the mental realms or below has ever gotten past those barriers (or if they have remember doing so), and so what lies beyond that is a mystery.

Time Travelling Magick in Theory

Suppose we need some money, say $500. So we devise ourselves a spell that will make us super lucky so we win a small sum in the lottery. This is doable. Typically when we create and cast this spell we make it so it happens at some future point, like tomorrow or next week. But if we really wanted to we could also cast the spell so that we won the lottery yesterday or last week.

It is of course more difficult to change events that have passed than events that are yet to come (so you are better off casting your lottery spell in the future), but it’s not that much more difficult. In fact, most of the difficulty involved is due to our own ideas and perceptions about how time works, and has nothing to do with the metaphysics or the difficulty of the spell. In fact a spell cast into the past, if the practitioner is assured of their success or doesn’t know they are doing it, is not very much more difficult than a spell cast into the future.

The same way that the ideas of distance and space are largely an illusion when looked at metaphysically, so is the linear nature of time. We perceive time as constantly moving forward, as the past being a sure thing, as the future being completely changeable, and the present as being our chance to exercise free will. In reality we just happen to move forward in time at a somewhat constant rate. Things can just as easily move backwards in time. In fact this nature of time has been known to physicists for quite some time, and it’s been proven in physical experiments. We end up with only two possible realities. Either the future is already written and can’t be changed, or the past is as malleable and uncertain as the future.

Time doesn’t just move backwards either. Time, much like space, is spread out in many different directions. Most of us move through time on a single set route. We could move on completely different routes though. We could go forward or backwards, we could move from one point to another point far in the past or future, or we could go to parts of time that wouldn’t even exist on our time line. In the same way that all points of space are really in the same place, and anything in all of existence is close enough to touch if you just know how, all of time is interconnected and any point can be reached and manipulated from any other. Manipulated is a key word here. The past, the same as the future and the present, is malleable and can be changed at any time.

Take for example a manifestation spell. Suppose we’ve been looking for a book we really want. We’re about to enter a book store. We cast a manifestation spell (typically this is simple psionic magick) to make the book appear in the store. We haven’t looked in the store, we haven’t perceived what’s in the store, and so we assume we’re casting a spell into the future because, after all, by our account there is some chance the store has the book in there and we’re just increasing those odds. The same as if we were manipulating a roulette ball to make it land where we wanted to.

For some reason a lot of magicians view the universe as working like Schrodinger’s cat. Schrodinger’s cat though was an example to show a hole in theoretical physics. That cat is either alive or dead at the end of the experiment. It doesn’t exist in a transient state until you open the box. Unless, of course, the entire universe revolves around you.

In the same way that book didn’t just appear there. It was printed, and ordered, and shipped, and stocked, and all together at the very least a few weeks worth of events had to transpire in order for that book to be on that shelf the moment you walked into the store. That simple manifestation spell, unbeknownst to many magicians, actually changes the past and the events that have transpired.

So like, why can’t we go back and kill Hitler before he became Hitler?

It could be done. Hitler could die before he ever becomes Hitler. However the Nazi party will still rise in power. World War 2 will still happen. The Holocaust will still happen. Hitler won’t be the one who does it though, someone else will. You might change some of the events. When things happened, what happened, who lived and died, ect. But all of the big stuff is still going to happen.

The world seems to have its own destiny and its own path it’s following. I don’t believe this path to be unchangeable, but I believe this path to be chosen by us as a large collective and not by a single individual or even a small minority of individuals. If some event happens that would normally change the route the world is supposed to take, such as the death of Hitler, the world veers a little off course and then makes a correction. Some small events may change, but in the end everything turns out the same.

So what if I kill my own grandfather?

You’d most likely cease to exist in your current form. Your soul would probably end up in another body born around the same time. Your new life would probably be very similar to your old one. Yeah, I know you were never born now because you killed your ancestor (which makes you a dumb-ass), but your ancestor didn’t die until after you travelled back in time to kill them, which is the event that makes it that you weren’t born, so you actually were born when you killed them. Also you’ll still have accumulated your karmic debt for that lifetime including the murder of your grandfather, and it will keep as a past life that can be regressed. It seems strange, but time doesn’t move in a straight line, it’s a big open space.

So can the past be changed?

Sometimes personal changes can be made. Small changes are easy enough and can be done without a problem. Manifesting a book, getting a small amount of money, getting a girl to go out with you, ect. This is magick that, cast into the future or the past, is fairly easy to pull off. Drastic life changing events are always more difficult to get though. Making it so that you live longer, winning the lottery, getting married, and the like are typically very difficult things to do even with magick. Much like the world we have our own destiny, and we tend to move along that path that has been laid out for us. When we do veer off that path, the road seems to change around us until we’re right back on track. You might make it so you don’t die next Monday, but you end up dying next Tuesday instead. More often than not the magick fails, or the magick succeeds but then it retroactively fails. You might actually win the lottery, only to have the event erased, and then you’re left not even remembering winning the lottery.

That isn’t to say these big things can’t happen. They can. You just have to go about it differently. You have to change your destiny and then rewrite it. You may have to rewrite it for other people that are very attached to your life too. For the most part though once you change your destiny, the universe will start rewriting and work around you to put everything back into its natural order.

Noticing changes in the past.

If a magician is very aware, aware of themselves and aware of the universe around them, they can sometimes manage to remember the past how it was, not how it now is. Sometimes when things are remembered differently, it’s because they actually happened differently.

Accidental time manipulation in spellwork.

There is a common phenomena that happens during intense spell and ritual work where large amounts of time are either lost or gained. This isn’t just limited to solitary practice or situations where people may have just lost track of the time. I’ve been in a situation with two other practitioners where an hour passed in about ten minutes time (which is impossible to mistake), and the clock in the working area had only registered ten minutes passing when all the other clocks registered an hour. This is an extreme example though where it is both noticeable and provable. There are other times when it’s more subtle. It may, for instance, feel like days have past in a five hour time period.

Intentional time slowdown and speedup

One fairly simple magickal trick that some people have a good aptitude for is speeding up and slowing down time. They can make it so time passes at a much faster rate or a much slower rate.

Time travel by way of going in and out of time.

Time comes into existence in the sphere of Geburah. If you go beyond Geburah, to Chesod, the idea of time no longer exists. Chesod is a place where everything is forever and stagnant. Things don’t change, and there is nothing acting against anything to cause change. When you leave Geburah you leave the entire continuity of time. When you go back into Geburah, you can come in at any point you want to. So in this way you could travel backwards in time.

Part of the problem with this method is you aren’t taking your physical body beyond Geburah. You aren’t even taking your astral body beyond Geburah. You’re taking your mental body. So for starters, you can’t just appear in Victorian London because you weren’t born then. You could go back to after you were born, but then we come to other issues.

First is the transfer from the mental body to the astral body and then the transfer again into the physical body. This process is completely doable, and you could use it to wake up and have it be yesterday. The problem is it’s very difficult to keep your thoughts and knowledge from deteriorating between each transfer. So although you may wake up yesterday, you may not remember any of the important things you needed to know for today. You may not even have any memory of the future at all. It may come as nothing more than premonitions or deja vu.

Secondly, the above example assumes a best case scenario where the point in time you’re travelling to is a point where you’ve already managed to come together in union with your holy guardian angel. If you haven’t, then once you travel backwards your connection point between your astral and mental bodies is going to be severed. You won’t have any direct access to yourself. The only access you will have is to approach your astral and physical bodies as your mental body. If you ever had a point in the past where your Holy Guardian Angel was communicating with you and trying to give you information prior to when you became one with them, now you know how that happened.

The Universe, the Qlippoth, the Sepiroth, ect.

What follows are my personal notes concerning my recent meditations and journeys into both the Sepiroth and the Qlippoth. Things don’t flow very well, some of the information is redundant without reason. I think I wanted links to past articles I wrote, I’ll add them later (for now, check out the articles on reading the tarot pips if you must know). The truth is, I’m not in a place right now where I want to sort through this information and present it better. At some future point, maybe. Hopefully at that point I’ll also have more to add and more corrections. For now though I present to everyone the notes, which I do believe contain a lot of information about working with the Sepiroth and the Qlippoth and concerning magickal practices in general. Do what you wish with it.

The Tree of Life

In putting together a map of the universe, one of my goals was to codify several of the different terminologies that are going around. Some of these ideas are easy enough to figure out. For instance, we can pretty much assume that what some refer to as the Realm of the Dead is the same as what the Greeks called Hades, or at the very least that Hades exists within the Realm of the Dead. However other ideas are harder to put together, for instance how exactly the Qlippoth relates to Hell.

In doing this though I’ve used the Tree of Life model as my base, and tried to codify things into this common ideal. This isn’t meant to validate Kabbalism or Judaism, on the contrary I believe the tree to be something that is easily removed from these dogmatic beliefs. The tree of life is an attempt to explain a map of the universe and the process of creation (these things are one in the same, the make-up of the universe is directly tied to the method of its creation. When time and space and matter and even energy all cease to exist, stuff like this happens. Eventually only ideas remain, and these ideas become the fabric of reality), and the explanation is biased because of the Judaic and Kabbalistic beliefs of its early originators, however the experience it attempts to explain is an objective and true one which is unconcerned with the spiritual beliefs of its catalogers.

That being said, the Tree of Life is one of the most complete maps available. This is due entirely to the fact that more capable people have worked on and expanded on the Tree of Life than any other currently available model. Although some other designs attempt to explain things in a different manner, there was never anything wrong with the Tree of Life design, never anything so broken it couldn’t be fixed and necessitated scraping the whole thing, and in the process centuries of work.

Concerning the Qlippoth

“If the Sepiroth form a tree of life, then the Qlippoth would be its roots, without the Qlippoth to nourish and support them, the Sepiroth would wither and die.”

Much is said, negatively, about the Qlippoth. Some theorists have labeled it a mistake, an abomination, or a necessary byproduct of the creation of the universe. Others have sought a more neutral view, believing not to be an actual place, but rather a state of being when the Sepiroth are unbalanced.

In truth the Qlippoth is a secondary aspect of the universe, a separate, albeit connected, place from the Sepiroth. It is also an absolutely vital component in the creation and continued existence of the universe. It’s incorrect to view the Qlippoth as evil or an abomination, it is simply a different road to a different place.

The general kabbalistic map of the Qlippoth is misleading. Generally the Qlippoth is seen as an inverted tree that begins with Lilith beneath Malkuth. This jives with the perfectly correct idea that the Qlippoth exists beneath the Sepiroth. However each Qlippoth exists beneath its corresponding Sepiroth. Although it’s true that both Kether and Thaumiel are equally far away from Malkuth, it is not true that the distance between Kether and Thaumiel is twice the distance from Kether to Malkuth. Thamuiel exists just beneath Kether, as Lilith exists beneath Malkuth.

Many magicians find themselves limited by their inability to utilize aspects from both the Sepiroth and the Qlippoth. Things like prosperity spells, seances, and shooting fireballs from ones hands (as Goku does) all fall into the realm of Qlippothic magick. Even a magician of immense power will achieve nothing but failure in these regards until he has connected into the lower realms.

Meanwhile a magician who is unable to connect into the Sepiroth will find himself removed from both truth and independent power. Although his power may be great, it is fleeting, and it is not his to own. What lies in the Qlippoth will use him, manipulate him, and destroy him.

The Golden Dawn system, along with many of its proponents such as Mathers and Fortune, emphasized that a magician must master both the higher and the lower in order to be effective, to only utilize one aspect is to castrate the magickal power of the practitioner. Mastery of only the Sepiroth is however seen by many as preferable to mastery of only the Qlippoth. A master of the Sepiroth is a wise and spiritual guru full of wisdom but lacking in physical power. A master of the Qlippoth meanwhile is a dark consumed soul lost because of his lusts and desires. But as Fortune mentions, this danger is not present so long as one masters both the higher and the lower together.

The connection between Malkuth and Kether

In the idea of creation, when we get to Malkuth the process doesn’t end, instead Malkuth becomes Kether, and the process is renewed from the beginning (for a more in depth explanation, see this article).

Looking at the tarot, the fool card is not actually a trump. In the old games it was considered neither a pip card, a court card, or a trump card, at least in the most popular rules variants. It was something separate all together, and it had its own special rules for use. This is partially true of the Esoteric tarot too, where the true natural order is Fool, K of Pentacles, Q of Pentacles…A of Pentacles, King of Swords… so on and so forth ending with the trumps and particularly the universe card (alternatively the beginning and ending of the deck are interchangeable and it can start with either card). However the Fool card is the exact same card as the Universe card, what the two express is exactly the same, just given in two different perspectives, masking the similarities. In this way, if we say the deck begins with the fool, when we get to the Universe we are not at the end, but at the beginning, and the deck itself becomes and infinite thing, and meanwhile all things within it are connected, by virtue of its beginning and ending being the same.

This model is taken directly from the Sepiroth and the nature of the universe. Kether is Malkuth, just Malkuth seen from a different perspective. The two Sepiroth are actually a single Sepiroth, and by virtue of these two Sepiroth being the same, all other Sepiroth are connected, and thus movement can be made between them.

The finer paths of the Sepiroth

The Sepiroth, as they’re positioned on the Tree of Life, are misleading. In truth, they’re stacked one on top of the other, with Kether on the Top and Malkuth on the Bottom. Movements between the Sepiroth can be made by vibrational shifts, although certain other considerations have to be taken into account when moving past certain barriers. This method of vibrational shifting is known as the finer path, it is the preferred method of movement between Sepiroth, and although the more difficult to master, the easier to utilize. As one would expect, vibrational shifts upward lead up the number scale, and vibrational shifts downward lead down the number scale.

The same is true for the Qlippoth, vibrational shifts upward lead one towards Thaumiel, not towards Lilith. The idea that the vibrational shifts need to move downward from Malkuth to reach the Qlippoth, with Thaumiel being at the bottom, is an intentional blind created to keep magicians from reaching the higher aspects of the Qlippoth by those who fear its influences.

The vulgar paths of the Sepiroth, being the Atu

Crowley once asked the question why there were only 22 paths on the Tree of Life. Why didn’t each Sepiroth connect to every other one, creating 45 paths. Crowley couldn’t come up with a reasonable answer, and instead said that the Sepiroth simply don’t connect like that, which is akin to explaining everything with ‘God works in mysterious ways’.

The Sepiroth have no objective means through which to define themselves. They are an axiom, and they are only defined by their relationship to each other. Each atu is a flow of influence from one Sepiroth to another. The nature of each Sepiroth is defined by the flow of influence from each Sepiroth it is connected to. There for, were each Sepiroth to connect to every other one, then each Sepiroth would be exactly the same, because it would have the exact same definition as every other. This also disproves the Binah-Chesed and Chokmah-Geburah atu some have claimed, since if these were to exist, Binah would be the same as Chokmah.

These flows of influence can be ridden from one Sepiroth to the next, and these are known as the vulgar paths. They require much less effort to move across than a vibrational shift, but they come with their own issues. They do however create a method through which a physical being can move from one Sepiroth to the next.

The flow of influence goes both ways, so each atu is defined as a combination of the two Sepiroth it connects.

The imaginary Atu

There also exist the imaginary atu. These are the 22 connections that don’t exist (there is no imaginary atu between Kether and Malkuth since these two Sepiroth are the same). These 22 paths are not real connection points, they only exist in the sense that they don’t exist. These atu are defined by the two Sepiroth they would connect if they did exist. These paths would probably be found somewhere within the middle triad.

Movement between the Sepiroth and the Qlippoth

Any Qlippoth can be reached at any time through its corresponding Sepiroth. Movement from the Sepiroth to the Qlippoth is simply a matter of finding a shadow and moving through it. Likewise any Sepiroth can be reached from its corresponding Qlippoth, it’s just a matter of finding a light and moving through it. With some practice this method of movement can be done with minimal effort in an astral form, moving the astral body from the Sepiroth to the Qlippoth and vice-versa. However it’s much more difficult to move one’s physical body from the Sepiroth (mainly Malkuth) into the Qlippoth (into Lilith), but very much possible. It should be noted that the connection between Sepiroth and Qlippoth is both necessary and absolute, and it cannot be blocked, which is the key reason why a physical person may move out of Malkuth and into Lilith.

Malkuth, Yesod, and the Veil

In actuality, there are nine Sepiroths, not ten. The confusion arises over the matter of Malkuth and Yesod. From our perspective they seem to be two separate Sepiroth, but this perspective is biased due to the fact that we view this Sepiroth from the inside. Malkuth-Yesod is split by the veil, the thing that keeps the spiritual and physical worlds separate, for the most part. This creates an illusion of two Sepiroth, one which consists of the physical world and one which consists of the immediate spiritual world, or at least the gateway into the spiritual world. When Malkuth and Yesod are looked at as a single Sepiroth, we’re left with three perfect triads.

The veil itself, with some small exceptions, prevents anything spiritual from achieving a physicality, and meanwhile prevents anything physical from getting up and walking off to other parts of the tree of life. However there is one very big cheat. The veil that splits Lilith from Gameliel is very weak and easy to pass through. Meanwhile the connection between Malkuth and Lilith cannot be blocked, even by the veil. Ergo, one can bring things into a physicality simply by first moving them into Lilith and then into Malkuth via that route, and in the same way one can physically move to any other point on the tree by first moving into Lilith and making ones journey from there.

The nature of things

“Kether is like a mother who nourishes her young with her breasts. Thaumiel is a mother who nourishes herself by eating her young.”

In Kether exists the spark, the beginning of all creation, and it’s a huge source which outpours an infinite amount of energy. This energy is spilled out into the Sepiroth, feeding and energizing each of them, all the way down to Malkuth.

Thaumiel meanwhile lacks this spark. In order to support itself it must feed on the Qlippoth below it, and so it draws all of the energy it can up into it. The Qlippoth beneath Thaumiel, meanwhile, draw up energy from the Qlippoth beneath them, and in this way the higher Qlippoth have larger reserves of energy, with Thaumiel the strongest. Lilith meanwhile is drained almost completely of energy, and with nothing beneath her to feed on, is largely dependent on her connection to Malkuth for energy, the source of energy for the entirety of the Qlippoth (thus the Qlippoth is an extension of the physical world). This is the reason why the lower realms (which exist as the lower Qlippoth) are generally dark and bleak. All of the light is being drawn upward into the higher Qlippoth.

A look at the tree-

The first Triad

Malkuth - Malkuth is the physical world, the home of our physical bodies, and where our physical selfs exist, at least for the moment.

Yesod – Yesod is the second half of Malkuth, it is the immediate spiritual realm. For the most part, those things that spiritually effect the physical realm of Malkuth exist within Yesod. It is the area sometimes referred to as Real Time Projection or the Etheric Plane in the astral projection community. When you astrally project into this world, where you are able to see the happenings of this world, you’ve projected into Yesod. It should be noted that Yesod, Hod, and Netzach each bleed into each other.

Hod – Hod is the realm of limitations and boundaries. Within Hod lies the powers to bind and to seal. It also sets the framework of reality, and power can be achieved via proper manipulation of thr rules within that framework. Hod is a place of solidity, rules, and laws.

Between Hod and Netzach lies the gate of horns, the place from which prophetic dreams spring forth, which is fed from the second Triad.

Netzach – Netzach is the realm of excess. It is a place of gluttony and debauchery. A place of infinities without limitations. It is a pleasuredome. The more crude may view Netzach as a heavenly realm, but it is not. Netzach is unconcerned with spiritual harmony or advancement, it is a place of sins of the flesh.

The first Triad of the Qlippoth

The first Triad makes up what are often times referred to as the lower realms. These are places that are generally defined by darkness and bleakness.

Lilith – Lilith is a corruption of an earlier term given to the first Qlippoth which meant night (from which Lilith is derived, which means lady of the night). It is a place referred to by some as the shadowlands. It is a physical realm physically accessible from Malkuth.

Gameliel – Because Yesod is separated from Malkuth, to even things out Gameliel is split from Lilith. However, the true nature of Lilith and Gameliel can be seen clearly from one residing within Malkuth, and at the same time the Veil is much weaker between the two, creating less of a split. Because of this Lilith and Gameliel are often times confused in writings, so much so that sometimes Lilith is referred to as Nehemoth because Lilith has associations within Gameliel. Gameliel is simply the spiritual aspect to the physical aspect that is Lilith in the Sepiroth.

Samael – Like Hod, Samael is a place of limitations. It is a place of judgments, and judges, and where punishments are meeted out to the guilty. It is also where Hades, the realm of the dead, resides, and it is here where many dead spirits reside in the afterlife, it is from Samael through which the dead may be seanced or otherwise contacted, and it is in Samael that the stream of life exists.

Between Samael and A’arab Tzereq lies the gate of ivory, the place from which non-prophetic dreams come from. It is to this place that we typically wander to when we dream.

A’arab Tzereq – Like Netzach, A’arab Tzereq is a place of pleasures and desires without limitations, the main difference being that Netzach is ultimately balanced by Hod, meaning that those things which exist or are created within Netzach can never leave Netzach intact, since they cannot reach Yesod/Malkuth without first being limited through Hod. However on the Qlippoth no such balance exists, and so those things belonging to A’arab Tzereq can be taken out into Lilith and even Malkuth, and in this way A’arab Tzereq becomes the realm of creation and manifestation magick. Also the Qlippoth moves down, where as the Sepiroth moves upward. So Netzach moves into Hod, those things belonging to Netzach being given limitation there. In the Qlippoth Samael moves into A’arab Tzereq, granting the things there the power of a physical presence.

Moving from the first to the second Triad - In Malkuth and Lilith we move in a physical body. To move through the rest of the Triad we need to move out of our physical body and into an astral body, a sort of go-between that is half physical and half non-corporeal. The first triad concerns itself with physical reality and the creation of that reality, so that is what is needed. The second triad however is concerned with only the mental reality, things are as they are thought, and physical reality is absent. So to enter this realm we need a completely non-physical body to inhabit.

There are two methods to gain a mental body. The first is to first contact our Holy Guardian Angel and then to merge with it. Our Holy Guardian Angel is a piece of ourself. It is our mental body, we always had it, we just aren’t born with access to it. Our mental bodies also have access to the mental planes, which contain large storehouses of information and power, of which we gain access to when we merge with our HGA. Our HGA will be of the opposite gender that we are, and the merging will be a sort of sexual process, where the two come together and more or less form a single entity from the two. We then not only gain access to the vast knowledge that is attainable by the HGA, but also the ability to utilize the body to move through the second triad.

Alternatively we can forgo merging with our HGA and instead find a willing being that exists within the second triad to merge with, using its power to transcend to the second triad.

The nature of the second triad – The second triad is sometimes referred to as the mental realms or the heavenly planes. It is a place without any true physicality. Things there are made up as energy, and thought forms the only reality. Where the three planes merge together they create the Askahic Record, which is a catalog containing all information, histories, thoughts, happenings, ect. This record exists as a series of interconnected sentient realms, and it may be accessed supposing a person knows how to find what they want within it.

Tipereth – Tipereth is perfect harmony, balance, and beauty, removed from the more base physicalities. In many ways it is what most would consider heaven to be. It is a place embodied of joy and bliss, and it can only be reached by one who can bring themselves to a state of complete harmony and balance. Some measure adepthood as reaching Tipereth (the Golden Dawn for instance), and in order to reach Tipereth balance of self has to be achieved.

Geburah – Geburah is the realm of conflict, albeit conflict without physicality. It is the realm where Val Halla and other similar places reside. It is a place of war, and battle, and destruction for no other reason but the purity and nobility of these pursuits. That which is fortified in Chesod is attacked and destroyed in Geburah, and that which survives passes on to Tipereth, being a perfection. Geburah is the place from which the noble warriors draw their strength and power.

Chesod - Chesod is a land of fortification and of unchallenged power. Things here exist as absolute truths. Ideas formed here become truth, and they are never allowed to be anything else. In Geburah ideas are constantly challenged, and in Tipereth ideas are balanced and strong, in Chesod they simply are. It is a place of unparalleled peace and tranquility and meditation. It is a sanctuary and an escape. It is also the last realm prior to the abyss, and so it is also the realm of the false masters and the false gods. Those things that were able to advance themselves and enlighten themselves enough to reach Chesod, and yet were not strong enough or enlightened enough to cross the abyss. Some claim to be masters, some even claim to be gods. In truth they were proven too weak to ascend to the higher realms. Many hold great power (things of this realm tend to), but they should not be trusted, and definitely not worshipped.

The second triad of the Qlippoth – This is, quite literally, hell. What exists here are the most horrific and monstrous things imaginable. This is the stuff of nightmares. Unlike the heavenly triad, this triad has a very distinct physicality to it. That which is thought or imagined can become real, can take form.

Tagarion – There is no balance within the Qlippoth, and so Tagarion becomes the perfect imbalance. It is a place of absolutes and extremes. It is a realm associated with those magicians who cannot or will not balance themselves and find their inner peace. It is a place of raging and destructive emotions. Things here are in a constant state of conflict. Every emotion is felt at its most extreme, and the pain cannot be dulled. There is no atonement or redemption here, or even forgetfulness, only pain and regret.

Gohlohab – Much like Geburah is a realm of conflict, of war, of battle, and mostly a realm of violence, however there is no nobility or idealism in what is done. There is no purity of the acts. The acts are performed for enjoyment and amusement, for whatever pleasure may be pulled from such things. It is a place to harm and be harmed, to destroy and be destroyed, to murder and be murdered, and derive all the pleasure that can be had of such things. It is a realm of sociopathic thought and the height of pleasure that can be achieved from killing and maiming and raping and being hurt and killed and raped.

Ga’ashekelah – Ga’ashekelah, like Chesod, is a fortification. This fortification though is an obstacle. Where as Chesod is absent the conflict of Geburah, Ga’ashekelah has the conflict of Gohlohab brought into it. There is no tranquility here. This is a place that must be fought and defeated, and only the strongest can pass it, and move on to the lower abyss. That which resides here, that can not attain passage across the abyss, is much like the false masters and gods of Chesod, except here they attempt to destroy those that would wish to pass into the abyss, to prove their power over them, and to prevent any from achieving a greater power than they possess. Many who have failed to acquire true achievements in life end up like these dismal entities in Ga’ashekelah.

The two abysses – There are actually two abysses, that which exists on the higher side, which must be passed to move from Chesod to Binah, and that which exists on the lower side, separating Ga’ashekelah from Sathariel (and this duality is responsible for some of the confusion concerning the abyss). One of these two abysses must be crossed in order to reach the third triad. There is no work around to getting past the abyss. The abyss is necessary for one to ascend from their mental body and merge with a third body, their emotional body, to access the final triad.

The higher abyss – This is the abyss of the Sepiroth. It is not a physical place. It is a state of being. A person ‘in the abyss’ will undergo a series of trials. They will be tested. A good portion of themselves will most likely be destroyed, it’s a necessity. They will also learn and be taught by the experience, and if they manage to survive and make it to the other side, they will be stronger and more enlightened for it. It is however not a pleasant state of being, and it is a state which can last a lifetime if a person never manages to defeat it, and refuses to give up (one can always give up, there are ways, and a person able to make it into the abyss will know how to get themselves out of it).

The lower abyss – The lower abyss is a physical place. It’s a big black dark hole. A place of emptiness. It is a physical trial, one that requires strength, and power, and wit, and perseverance. A person must make it to the bottom, and then destroy the abyss to come out the other side.

The third triads – The highest triads, on either side, represent a place of great enlightenment and power. These places exist beyond the ideals of heaven and hell. They represent something greater and more powerful.

Binah – Binah is the perfection of being, although impure. It’s tainted by its connection to the mental realm beneath it, and so one in Binah is perfect, and yet tainted and not completely detached from what is beneath it. It is here that we exist as beings of pure emotion, where thought no longer creates reality. It is what we feel, what we desire, that becomes. It is the first realm of true will.

Sathariel – Sathariel is not absent the physical and mental realms as Binah is, but it is the first to combine them with emotion. Sathariel is a pleasuredome. It is a place of all imaginable pleasures, where all desires become reality for as long as one wishes. There is not need nor want in Sathariel, all is provided, and desires as met to their fullest expectation. It is a place of happiness and joy, of pleasure. It can be, for you, whatever you most want it to be, whatever will make you most happy.

Chockmah – Chockmah is the realm of purity. Things that enter into Chockmah become a purity, they are purified, and anything not belonging to them are separated. The power of Chockmah is that it makes us into our true selves, the truth of our essence, and not what has tainted us, what has scarred us.

Augiel – Augiel is the opposite of Chockmah. Where as Chockmah is the purity of self, Augiel is being one with everything. To enter Augiel is to become one with the universe, to merge into it, to become it to an extent, and to have its power at your disposal. It is what is sought by those, particularly new agers, who wish to become one with the world or universe, who wish us all to come together as one.

Kether – Kether is the final Sepiroth, and it houses the fourth body, the true self. Kether is about singularity, and those entering Kether become their true self, and nothing exists in Kether, at least for them, except their true self. They are the all and the everything of being.

Thaumiel - Thaumiel is the duality of self. It is here that things are split and divided. To come into Thaumiel is to have yourself split and fractured, to be thrown into pieces, and have these pieces spawn off and evolve. To become legion.

Kether, Thaumiel, and the origins – Kether houses the divine spark, it is through that spark that all creation begins, and all things spring forth. Thaumiel meanwhile is the first division, it is duality. Where as Kether is necessary for creation to begin, Thaumiel is necessary for it to be split, for their to be more than just the divine spark. The singularity of Kether and the duality of Thaumiel create the triplicity of the universe and of being(explained in this post). Thaumiel is an important and necessary aspect of creation, not an abomination as claimed by some.

Ain and beyond – Ain exists beyond both Kether and Thaumiel, although in different forms, again a higher and a lower. The Sepher Yetzirah specifically states that Kether is not the beginning, simply a point from which we’re starting, because we need to start somewhere. There is more beyond these two spheres. It is another veil, another HGA to merge with, another abyss to cross. It is yet another trial which must be passed in order to see what lies beyond. And what lies beyond this trial is something which cannot be seen or imagined from Malkuth. It is very possible that the physical body, and possibly other bodies, must be completely shed in order to reach the other side. It is clear that the singularity of Kether and the fractioning of Thaumiel are key to passing their respective trials.

The nature of movement – Some time ago I wrote an article regarding the tarot explaining how an idea moves from Kether to Malkuth, goes from one to ten. In the Qlippoth though, things moves from Lilith to Thaumiel. It’s a backwards process. And so things move down the Sepiroth, starting in Kether as a singularity, becoming a purity of self in Chockmah, and eventually reaching physical being in Malkuth. Because of this things bleed downward, for the most part anyways. There is no impurity before Binah, no fortification before Chesod, no Conflict before Geburah, no perfect balance before Tipereth, no physicality before Malkuth. The purity of Chockmah is tainted in Binah. The Fortification of Chesod is attacked in Geburah. Ect.

In the Qlippoth, things move on the opposite. The physicality of Lilith moves through each of the spheres. The conflict of Gohlohab bleeds into Ga’ashekelah. The boundaries of Sameal create reality within A’arab Tzereq. Ect.

Notes on diagrams and names – Any person wishing to study the tree of life should make diagrams of the tree, for themselves, for both the Sepiroth and the Qlippoth. It helps a lot in both memorizing these things and their relations to each other, and in understanding them and their relations. The names of both the Sepiroth and the Qlippoth hold some power, and they should be written out, spoken, and thought of frequently. All things should be meditated on.

Final conclusions - I am not well. Journeying into and meditating on the Qlippoth has not come without some cost. What is contained here are only my personal notes. Some of it is fact, some ideas I have had. Maybe at some point I will go through them and make them into something that flows better, is more coherent. For the time though, I need a break from working with this material. I’ve posted this material, some of which I’m sure is incorrect, but is to the best of my belief at this moment correct, and in doing so I’ve completed a task that was given to me and fulfilled my end of a bargain. Although not in the best of formats, and largely incomplete, I do believe it provides a good framework to work from.

An Astral Trip

This is a recollection of an astral projection that I posted online somewhere or other maybe a year or so ago. I’m not sure if it’ll be any use to anyone, but I’ve been raiding my archives of as of yet unposted material tonight and selected two small pieces to put up as posts.

So I took a little astral trip to the lower realms and ended up in one of the weirdest places I’ve ever seen.

The place I came to had a few different passageways going in different directions, it was one big hallway, and the floor and walls and ceiling were all covered in holes with energy seeping out. There was a man standing in the middle of all this where the pathway split several different ways. He was wearing a nice and normal suit with a cloth tied around his eyes while pointing in different directions. He didn’t feel yucky, in fact he didn’t feel much like anything. He was a fairly weak entity with very little energy. Possibly a ghost or maybe just a thought form, I’m not sure.

Anyways he told me that I was at the crossroads of all sexual fantasy, and that they had everything there, every imaginable kink, and I got the idea he was there to point me in the right direction.

I also quickly figured out correctly that the actual passageway to the sexual fantasies was through the various holes seeping out energy. The energy was all sexual but a bit different from each one. A person could find exactly what they were looking for with little difficulty just going by the energy.

It was also obvious that all of the sexual energy was lower realm sexual energy. They didn’t have every kind of sexual fantasy, only those that are regulated to the lower realms. But the fellow was quite pleasant both in his signature and in his mannerisms, and he was trying to be helpful, so I didn’t see any point in arguing with him about this.

The blindfold got me though. I can understand justice being blind. I can understand knowledge being blind. Love, destiny, beauty, poets, I can understand all of them being blind. But this guy was like a signpost. He was there to give directions. I couldn’t understand why he would be blind, so I asked. He said he went blind from constant masturbation.

I have to get laid before I go astral projecting again.

Let Us Bring Some Evil Into This World (A Call to End Inaction)

Within the realm of my blog, my book, when I speak with people, when I write people through email, I’ve been rather free about the magickal information I give out. I am very much aware of the danger this information can pose to the practitioner if it’s put to use. I’ve been hurt badly in the past, and I’m no doubt at least partly responsible for injuries that have occurred to others. Still, I continue, and will continue, as I have been, offering what information I have to anyone who truly wants to learn.

There is a disgusting trend that has emerged where information is being hidden away in fear that it may be used in such a way that the practitioner is hurt. Books are being burned or otherwise taken off the market, stores refuse to carry certain titles and authors, people are being told not to read certain works because of the ideas discussed within them, and some are asking, or even demanding, that people stop teaching spellwork, astral projection, channeling, mediumship, and the like to just anyone. Meanwhile practitioners are being urged not to practice. They are being told that they aren’t strong enough or learned enough yet to protect themselves if they chose to utilize magick. In some instances practitioners are being urged to give up magick completely as it’s far too dangerous to ever be used and instead to just be a part of a neopagan religion.

Change is upon us. If you can tap the energy of this place, the vast ocean of energy that exists around us, and fall into it, and follow it a bit into the future you’ll notice that it starts to twist and turn, that it’s twisting and turning right now. We’re heading towards an apocalypse of sort, this world is going through a great change. I can feel it, my teacher felt it, my peers feel it, and almost a hundred years ago Allister Crowley felt it. This isn’t something new.

A lot of people like to talk about this change. I’ve become certain that most can’t feel it, they’re just repeating what they’ve heard from others. They have no understanding of it. A common belief is that, once this change occurs, the veils will break and we’ll all be blessed with magickal and psychic powers. Another belief is that this effect is generational, we won’t gain these powers, but our children or grandchildren or whenever this happens will be born with it.

The truth is this change isn’t something that’s going to happen. It’s happening right now, and it’s been happening for some time. Those waiting to just wake up with their magick powers one day should give up now. It isn’t happening. No new power is coming into this world. The power has always been there, and it will always be there. Having power is a matter of grasping that power which has always been there to be grasped. What has changed is an increase in opportunity.

In the 19th century Levi’s works were only available to those who could speak French. In the early 20th century translations started appearing, but these translations along with their French counterparts were still difficult to find and treasured among those who owned them. By the 1970s increased interest in the metaphysical and cheaper printing techniques meant that Levi’s works were now more widely available, assuming you knew who he was and knew of a place that sold good occult books or a good mail order company. Today Levi’s works can be found at the local bookstore, they can easily be downloaded online, and even if you don’t know who he is typing magick into a search engine along with a week studying online should lead you to him.

Nearly all of the most famous magickal and spiritual works are available online. Every year more works are translated and better translations appear (compare Mather’s Sepher Yetzirah to Kaplan’s superior translation). Finding the exact book you want isn’t much harder than typing the name into an Amazon or Ebay search, or asking your local bookstore to order it. Meanwhile inventions like the Internet, HTML, and cheaper and more efficient POD techniques make publishing and distributing ideas, techniques, theories, and teachings easier.

Right now it is easier for a neophyte to find the information they need to begin solitary practice or work towards initiation than it has been in thousands of years. It is taking less and less work to find the necessary information, and more and more the information is simply presenting itself to people, no work required. And the situation is only going to get better, or worse depending on your perspective of it. No one is going to be gifted with magickal powers. Rather we’re being gifted with a better opportunity to acquire those powers.

This world is in the process of shifting. It’s moving towards some unforeseeable end, and currently it’s ripe to be influenced. I’ve seen factions of otherworldly beings forming. They’re parties that have an interest in where this world is heading and the final outcome of these events. They will take what they can by influence and they will take what they can by force. Wars will be fought between these powers that be, actually the battles have already started, and in the end their strength will determine the fate of this world.

Humanity has been castrated and robbed of the right to determine its own destiny. They’ve taken from us our gods and angels and heroes and villains and demons and old ones, the very things that were meant to show us what we could aspire to become.

And now the world shifts, and the power long ago taken from us is offered to us again. Some believe that we’re destroying this world, that we are a parasite to it, and that it seeks to expel us. This world clings to us and I hear it pleading with us to realize our potential and again become masters of our destiny and determine this world’s fate.

We are among the elite, and we are growing. We are those that have chosen not to cower behind a higher force, but rather to throw ourselves into the universe allowing our strength, our talent, our merits, and our character to lead us to our salvation, or our damnation. We are supposed to be the strong and the powerful who walk the path to enlightenment unhindered by fear, not the cautiously weak who chose ignorance out of fear.

A time will come when these battles come near to an end, and they will have taken what can be taken by influence, and they will have taken what can be taken by force, and the victor will determine what fate befalls all of humanity, and the only hope humanity will have to determine its own fate will be to prove themselves stronger and uninfluenced and take back by force what is rightfully theres.

Inside each of us is the potential to achieve power beyond that of even the gods. Those incarnate here have a greater right to determine the fate of this world than any other entity, and with that right comes the power to claim and defend it if we chose to.

This world does not need caution. It does not need fear. This world needs strength, and it needs practitioners that are practicing and growing in power so that they may face what is yet to come against them.

Power can only be achieved through experience. Risk is an essential element of progress. Read books. Read everything. Don’t be swayed from a particular author because they have been labeled as evil or dangerous. Look at their ideas and determine for yourself their validity. And cast spells, astral project, summon things, channel, in other words practice magick. Get into fights and mix it up with entities. Yes, all of this is dangerous. Do it anyways. Don’t wait to do things because you doubt your abilities. Your abilities will only grow through experience, and doing things now is the only way to grow your abilities. Time spent waiting for your abilities to develop from an armchair will only be time wasted.

We need to walk our paths fearlessly. We need to allow ourselves to grow spiritually. We need to have confidence in our abilities and faith not in higher powers but in our own power to protect ourselves and find salvation.

When we see ourselves as weak, we become mastered by our own limitation. When we believe that we our strong, strength tends to manifest within us.

The true master teaches empowerment, not subjugation. The true master preaches of the strength of his disciples, not their weaknesses. The true master sees himself not as having ascended to a point above others, but of having reached a higher point that others will hopefully exceed.

Account 2: The Chaos Ball

A while back I wrote a series of accounts for a friend’s e-group which detailed magickal experiences, particularly those that dealt with otherworldly entities. The group is now pretty much dead, and these accounts don’t have a real home. I don’t see much value in these accounts, except maybe as cautionary tales, but I already wrote them and I’m in need of good blog filler. Maybe someone will get some use out of these or see something similar to what they’re dealing with.

Things have been a bit messy for me lately. It’s not like things were great before, but things got really bad when I started amassing large amounts of chaos energy in my bedroom. I thought this was a good thing. I don’t know why I did this, or what good I thought would come of it. But it seems to have made a mess of everything lately. I’ve also noticed that my magickal abilities have been very limited or erradic lately, which I think was caused by all of that chaos energy.

Then a few days ago I decided it would be a good idea to rip a hole in space and time in my bedroom, and that project has been my biggest focus lately. I’ve attracted a lot of things here since doing that. There are some dead people around, what T says is a boogie man, and some other stuff. Someone also attacked me magickally last night. Not sure where they were, but the attack was weak and they got something painful back.

Anyways I decided last night that I’d talk with Saturn and try to get some help with my portal. I’ve never talked to Saturn before, which is why this is really strange. When Saturn’s energy went through me, it was very solid, very earthy in nature. It made me feel less flexable, and I could feel my astral body solidify from it. That doesn’t describe it well, but immedietly I thought about the 21st tarot trump, and I could see the assosiation of Saturn with the twenty-first trump and the element of Earth.

And it was deja-vu. I remembered thinking this before, the last time I felt Saturn’s energy. But this was my first time talking to Saturn. And I’ve been going through my brain trying to think of what time I’m thinking about, but there are no memories of this happening before, and nothing similiar to this. But I remember all of this happening exactly like this before.

Anyways I opened up the portal some more and slipped into the astral with the intent on jumping through it. When I got into the astral though, I got jumped by five dark fae. Creepy little things. They were trying to rip me into pieces. I was putting up a good fight, but something else came into my room and the fae immedietly scattered and took off. This is the strange part as I’ve never felt or experienced anything like this before.

When I looked at what had come there, it was indescribable and incomprehensible. It was not human, or humaniod, or like anything of this world. It was not like anything of any plane I’ve ever been to or seen in a vision. I’m pretty sure it had more than four dimensions. Although it was like a dark blue, and it seemed to have a blue-like aura to it, there were other colors too. I can’t really get what it looked like in my head, but I think some of the colors don’t exist. I think what I saw was Saturn. Not an aspect of Saturn, or a personification of Saturn, or Saturn as he is in this realm, but all of Saturn.

When I looked at Saturn, the energy drew me into it, and it was beyond anything I’ve ever experienced. When I talk with a deity, the energy I recieve is very strong. If you were to compare that to a light drizzle on an umbrella though, this would be standing naked on a skyscraper during a hurricane that can lift trucks off the ground. Immedietly the energy surronded and consumed me completely. There was just so much of it, and it was so much more than what I was. And I became a part of it, and I could feel myself as no longer being, but being just a small part of something that was much larger. And it was quite pleasent.

I know there’s more, and I know things happened after that, but I have no memory of it. All I know is that I did come out of the projection, and when I did I obviously was my independent self again. I didn’t pop back where my memory ends though, I just have no memory of what happened after that point. I went to sleep right after getting back into body.

Some other things have changed too. The chaos energy is gone. The portal seems to be sealed up now. At least somewhat. I’m wondering if I should open it back up. And I seem to be fixed. In fact, I seem to have improved a bit. I can channel again, and I can see the metaphor shapes, and it’s easy to talk to things again. I also got to fight some last night, and that always makes me feel better and relieves some tension. I just have a lot more clearity now and I’m a lot more focused.

Addendum: At the time I posted this I was looking to see if anyone had an explanation for what had happened. I honestly don’t remember what I was going through or why I had trouble channeling at that point in time. I also have no clue what I meant by seeing metaphor shapes, and that might be a typo. Also, several weeks after posting this I had realized that T was responsible for tricking me into summoning the chaos energy, and I think I’ve now figured out how he did it too. As a final note, there were other side-effects that didn’t really appear until later, although I’m not getting into that.